I do and I don't
by Little Redwood
Summary: Contest submission. Harry and Draco aren't as happy as everyone makes them out to be.


**For the » Reverse Perspective Competition**

**I didn't edit this again so I'll probably have to look it over when the due date draws near. No worried, though. I'm kind of happy how it turned out. I'll have to make it more distinct that deaco was supposed to be the one whose POV I was using. Ah well. here you go~**

"I don't."

Two simple words. Two words simple apart. They roll off the tongue at a young age and mean nothing. It seems as though the older we get, the simpler becomes harder. The words that once meant nothing but dissatisfaction as children now held baggage that many didn't want to deal with. This lead to using the well known antonym 'I do' in order to keep the questioner sated.

When this happens, the result is nothing short of horrid. Which was why the green-eyed man uttered those forbidden words with such nonchalance it left the platinum blonde in front of his tanned form reeling. Quicksilver eyes blinked rapidly as if the muscle spasms would erase the words that had just been uttered from plump red lips. Tears sprung to the surface of the slender man's silvery eyes, but dared not fall. Fear thy maker, and all that jazz.

Long, sun-kissed fingers combed through wild ebony hair before the almond shaped emerald eyes honed in on the man who was currently standing in a daze, trembling hands clenching and unclenching in rapid succession. The dark haired wizard shook his head, his glasses falling a millimeter down his roman nose as he did so.

"I don't. I would have, when were young and carefree, where I needed someone to lean on, someone to protect and someone to come home to and kiss at the end of the day. But now I can't bring myself to forgive you. We're twenty-four, Draco. Not fifteen. I've matured and so have you and we've gone separate ways."

The words run in the air of the warm room, ringing in Draco's ears over the crackling fire and the sound of birds singing their morning song outside of the open window. He narrowed his eyes before biting his lip. How could this be? How could the man that he had loved for the last nine years leave him for such a menial reason.

It was hardly as bad as Harry had made it out to be. He had been at the bar after work and Theodore Nott had approached him. It had been years since they last talked and they had a few drinks together. The night went by quickly, and eventually he had stumbled into the manor with his hair a mess and lips swollen. He had kissed harry sloppily with his puffy lips, before giggling like a loon. Harry had chuckled and assumed the swelling was from the cold. It was fall, after all. He had to admit the blonde didn't react well with the cold (no matter how windswept it made him). After leading his partner upstairs he had undressed the man in an attempt to put his lover to sleep, only to spot a hickey resting inches from the one he had left two days earlier.

This one definitely wasn't made by Harry.

It was raw and nearly bleeding around the center. Black and blue had already crept up on the mark and it seemed hideously grotesque in comparison to the soft red left by Harry's gentle lips two days prior. Harry's hickies were pale and filled with love. Left during moments of passion where he let himself forget about the weight on his shoulders, and allowed himself to enjoy the menial task of pleasing_ his_ Draco.

This one was filled with lust. It seemed as though the man has the blonde pinned to the wall, judging by the brick marks that had yet to vanish that had imprinted on the pale skin covering his back. The Potter heir had feared the act wasn't consensual. He felt his heart jump into his throat and he felt anger fill the pit of his stomach before he paused. _If he was in danger my ring would have alerted me... it stings me when he has a paper cut for Merlin's sake! There's no way that this could have been... but if it wasn't then he..._

"No..." The black haired man stumbled back his eyes widening. The blonde sobered up slightly, looking at Harry with a tilted head. If it were any other time Harry would have commented on the 'puppy dog' look, but not now. Not when his partner of nine years had just cheated on him with Merlin knows who.

"Harry, what's wrong?" The blonde was at a loss. He had been drunk the majority of the night, and many of the memories he had wouldn't return to him until he was sober and filled with greasy breakfast foods. Harry could have laughed, but his heart was occupying the space needed in order to create sound. Rendered speechless, he shook his head in disbelief, his eyes honing in on the nasty bruise marring the pale skin of his boyfriend's collarbone.

Draco looked down, spotting the lower corner of the mark and moaned. Shirtless, with his legs spread out over the side of the bed, he buried his head into his hands, feeling his stomach twitch. He pinched the bridge of his nose before looking up at the emerald eyed man, who was now facing the door.

"Harry I-"

"Save it," The voice was cold as steel and just as hard, "I'll speak with you when I can look at you without losing what sanity is left within me. I'll retire in the other bedroom."

Harry had seemed to forget every memory the two men held dear the next morning. His eyes were emotionless and he seemed to hold no sentiment to the regal pureblood as he sipped a glass of muggle scotch, reclining on a large armchair facing the tearful blonde.

"It was a mistake Harry. I wasn't think-"

"You weren't thinking. You didn't mean to. Oh please, Draco," the name was spoken with such malice that even Harry had surprised himself. It didn't last for long, however, "how many times have I heard the same excuses. It's never your fault. You were never in your right mind. You aren't stupid when inebriated, Draco. I've lived with you for nine years and you think I'm going to believe that a few shots of firewhiskey can get you that way. If that were fact you would have cheated on me long before this."

Cheated.

It was the first time he had said the word and it hit both men like an eighteen wheeler with no brakes. There was a long pause, and at this point it seemed as though the birds had stopped singing, leaving nothing but the fireplace. Harry didn't have the heart to speak once more. Draco decided to grow a pair for a moment, and spoke.

"Harry. I'm sorry. I won't do it aga-"

"And how am I to believe you? How do I know you'll stay monogamous, without sleeping with someone behind my back? How do I know it's the first time you've done this?"

Silence.

"Oh Merlin. Oh _god."_

Harry never cried. It was an unspoken rule after he walked through he battlefield in his seventh year, looking at the many dead faces of his comrades. He bit his tongue, rubbed dirt on the wound and solidered on. But Harry was pretty damn close to breaking his promise right now. "Please Draco," his voice was shaky, "for the sake of my dignity. Please tell me this is the first time."

"This was my first time."

It was a lie.

Both of them knew it.

"I can't do this. I can't. Nine years of my life. _Nine fucking years._" Harry let out a dry laugh, standing up and pacing the room, running a hand through his wild hair, "How could I not have known? You promised me so much, yet I expected so little of you. I wanted _love. _Something so simple your damned owl could do it. Yet you are incapable of such a simple concept. You love me, no doubt. But not enough to keep monogamous. No lies, Draco. Fifth year, the old transfiguration classroom, remember? So long as we shall live no lies shall be told."

Harry shook his head, knowing very well his partner had pushed the memory to the back of his memory. He was shocked when the man responded in a smooth, yet unusually timid voice, "And we will never leave one another behind. Even if it's potions homework, because sometimes a little help is better than Snape's wrath."

Harry met Draco's eyes a moment, surprised. They hardened a moment later, knowing he couldn't give in. Not again. "You remember the words but not the meaning Draco. We were desperate for each other's affection. So much that we hid from our friends and lied to the ones we loved to be with each other. Yet, after all this time you throw it away. It makes me sick."

The organ in the blonde's chest that constantly provided him with the power he needed to survive stopped pumping in its uniform manner for a moment. "How could you say such a thing?" His voice was quiet, yet calm. He had to remain composed, "We went through so much. So much suffering and hiding. So many secrets and so many nights awake, holding onto each other in fear of not waking up next to each other the next day. I'm sorry I did this to you, I truly am Harry! I was drunk and I haven't been close to you in so long. Sure, the sex it great. But I just wanted someone to love me like you used to! You've been so distant!"

"Distant? You want to talk about distant?" Harry's voice cracked, sending a shiver down Draco's thin spine, "You come home at three in the morning, too tired to kiss me hello and demand to be pampered because you're work days are long and filled with stupid people. Never do you ask how my day has been. Never have you noticed when I come home smelling of the hospital, or reeking of bone-growing potions! I want you to care, but I can't make you! I don't even know you anymore, Draco. We're strangers, like first year."

The tears were flowing freely down Harry's face but Draco knew they weren't tears of sadness. The anger had sent his tear ducts into overdrive. Something Draco had definitely seen before. He couldn't sit on the fact, however. "You don't know me? Harry, we've lived in the same house for five years! How can you not know me?"

"We've grown so distant lately. It's like you don't even love me anymore. I love you so much, but I don't know anymore. It's been so long since I've heard those words. Do you even love me anymore?"

Draco couldn't handle it anymore. The awkward stares and timid kissed. He hated the thought of being alone, but he knew his relationship with harry was falling apart. It was their fourth argument that month. Granted, this one was much larger and worse than the others, but the meaning was still there. The two fifteen year olds who loved each other with such innocence so many years ago were gone now. It was just Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, two handsome wizards too lonely to let each other go.

"I don't."

The world stopped moving.

If it were a child, there would have been a laugh and a ruffled mess of hair. There would be dinner with loved ones that night and a kiss before slumber. Children had it so much easier. Their innocence prevented their don'ts and do's to lose meaning. But as an adult...

"I love the idea of you. I love the idea of holding you in my arms. I love thinking we can be together forever with a manor and a beautiful son, or daughter. I want to think we can be together, and love each other but in reality, I just love the idea of having someone by my side. It could be you, or some other bloke. In all honesty, I don't think I love you anymore. I'm sorry, I really am. But-"

"You said it," The green-eyes man responded shakily, "I get it..."

He let out a dry laugh, as if he didn't believe what he had just heard, "I guess it is what it is."

And as he spoke that fallacy, he walked out of the room, leaving his cup of firewhiskey, the fire still crackling, and his former lover staring at the spot where the man he had loved had stood.

Draco didn't have the heart to close the window.


End file.
